Asher's Blog

I love pancakes, but only my wife’s.

I honestly don’t know why, but I don’t enjoy pancakes from anywhere else. I’ve tried them in some very nice places across Lagos, Abuja, Manchester, Houston, San Francisco, and most recently New York, and I hated every single one of them. The New York experience was the final straw. It was so bad that I made a firm decision right there and then: I’m sticking with my wife’s pancakes for life.

My wife cares for me deeply, and it shows, not just in the food she makes, but in how she makes it and how she serves it. When I travel, I miss her a lot, though she doesn’t always believe me. During our dating years, I wasn’t exactly expressive or affectionate. In fact, I was rigid, emotionally distant, stubborn, and very one-directional. Looking back now, I genuinely don’t know how she coped with me. She is truly God-sent. I’m not even sure I would have dated me if I were her.

We met during my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) year. But I had started working about a year earlier, immediately after college, and I was fully consumed by my career. I chased that job aggressively, and once I got it, I threw myself into it completely. I got promoted three times within twelve months and was doing quite well, but I was still chasing significance. I was broke in many ways, had low moments, and was extremely focused on getting my life together. Independence mattered deeply to me, and it took me about six years after college to truly feel like I had achieved it.

I’ve learned how deeply my wife cares for me, not just through affection but through forgiveness. There was a defining moment that changed how I “show” up, and since then, I’ve been intentional about protecting what we share.

That was when I began to understand what true friendship really means, and that understanding has shaped how I now qualify the people closest to me. Apart from my siblings and my wife, there are only two people I place in that deepest category. They have full knowledge of my tendencies, my bad behaviours, my good intentions, my blind spots, and they don’t judge me harshly. They help me navigate life, pray for me, encourage me, and allow me to do the same for them. We share our lives honestly. When you find people like this, please hold on to them with everything you have.

I used to assume that proximity meant friendship, and I paid dearly for that misunderstanding. I once thought someone was my best friend, even though he didn’t invite me to his wedding, and when their brother passed away, the news was shared so casually that I didn’t even believe it for years. That relationship turned out to be one of the most painful experiences of my life. I also thought another person was a close friend, but over time, I noticed that while he kept getting richer, he never shared how or considered how I could benefit too.

What’s interesting is that with my friends, I’ve always tried to be generous, giving them projects that could earn them millions, sharing opportunities that worked well for me, sending gifts and Christmas presents even when they were across the Pacific. That’s the value I place on friendship. Still, I’ve learned that generosity alone doesn’t define closeness. Many of those relationships fall into what I now think of as Level 2 friendships.

Over time, I’ve come to see friendships in layers, beyond just acquaintances.

Acquaintances are everyone you know, people you may send a birthday message to or wish well from a distance. And honestly, you should wish everyone well. Bitterness does no one any good.

Level 1 friendships are people you trust not to speak ill of you behind your back. They will tell you the truth, sometimes gently, sometimes boldly, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Level 2 friendships are validated by effort and presence. These friends show up in difficult times, give gifts, go the extra mile, and try to make things work for both of you. They may not put you first, but they don’t put you last either.

Level 3 friendships are rare. These are the people you trust with your family and your finances if you’re no longer around, just as you would yourself.

And then there is family.

Family is different. Trust in family is meant to be absolute, built through reliability and consistency over time. I sometimes reflect on why I love my children the way I do, or why I respond differently to them than I do to others. Family bonds are deeply personal and powerful, which is also why betrayal within family cuts so deeply. There really shouldn’t be a concept of “trusted family” because family is meant to be trusted, period! When that trust is broken, especially by parents, the effects can ripple through generations and cause lasting damage.

Today, I feel deeply grateful, for my wife, for my children, for the few true friends, and for family.

I wish you great friendships.