Asher's Blog

There is a principle I keep coming back to because it has helped me over the years and it is so simple yet very powerful. 

What you put in front of you expands; what you put behind you shrinks.

Read that again slowly, because it is not just motivational language, it is a description of how attention actually works. Your focus is not a passive thing, it is generative. Whatever you train it on consistently begins to grow, in your thinking, in your decisions, in your daily actions, and eventually in your results. The inverse is equally true. The things you stop looking at, stop thinking about, stop measuring, quietly fade. This means that one of the most important decisions you make every single day is not what to do. It is what to focus on. 

There is a scene in Lucy, the 2014 movie, where she pins a man’s hand to a table with a knife and tells him, “You need to focus.” When he winces and pulls at his hand, she makes the real point, he is focused, just on the wrong thing. The pain has become his entire world and that is exactly how human attention works. Whatever holds it becomes the only thing that exists. A fear, an idea, a passing thought, a thing someone said three days ago, it expands to fill everything. The danger is not that we cannot focus. It is that we focus too completely, and then build entire conclusions around whatever happens to have our attention in that moment. That is where assumptions are born. Not from ignorance, but from a spotlight so narrow that everything outside it simply disappears.

The Conversation That Shifted Something for Me

My friend, Andrew, said something to me recently that landed with more weight than he probably realised in the moment. He told me to focus on revenue: for every dollar spent, make two. He told me to focus on possibility, on enterprise customers, on the real opportunity in front of me. And then he said something that I needed to hear more than I knew: focus on the fact that you are a good leader, and that you work with some of the best people in the room solving the problems you are solving.

It sounds straightforward. But in the middle of building something, when the pressure is constant and the noise is loud, you can lose sight of exactly those things. You start focusing on what is broken instead of what is working. You focus on the gap instead of the ground you have already covered. You focus on the competition instead of your own lane. And slowly, without even realising it, your energy begins to organise itself around the wrong things.

That conversation recalibrated something in me, and it reminded me of a truth I already believed but had temporarily stopped practising. What you focus on expands.

Which Is Why the People Around You Are Everything

If focus is that powerful, then it follows that the people you spend your time with are shaping your focus whether you realise it or not. They are determining, in large part, what you see, what you think about, what feels possible, and what feels out of reach.

Jim Rohn said it in a line that has been repeated so often it risks losing its weight: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” But I want to push past the familiarity of that quote, because the truth underneath it is sharper than it sounds. It is not just that people influence your habits or your mindset. It is that they influence your focus, and your focus shapes your reality.

So the question worth asking seriously is not just who is around you. It is what those people are causing you to focus on.

Are they expanding your sense of what is possible, or are they constantly pulling your attention toward problems, limitations and reasons why things will not work? Are they adding to what you believe about yourself, or are they, even subtly, causing you to shrink? Because you will become, over time, a reflection of where your attention lives. And your attention, more than you might be comfortable admitting, lives where the people around you point it.

Six Qualities of the Right People

I have thought a lot about this, both from my own experience and from watching others navigate it. And I have come to believe there are six specific qualities that define the people worth investing your proximity in.

They love you without condition. There is something deeply nourishing about a person who loves you simply because they love you. Not because of what you produce, not because of your title or your track record, not because of what you can do for them. Just because you are you. That kind of love creates a safety that is almost impossible to manufacture in any other way. When you are around people who love you unconditionally, you can be honest, and you completely trust their feedback. You can admit uncertainty; you can fail without it costing you the relationship. And that freedom, that safety, is one of the most important things a person can have while they are trying to build something.

They make your life better intentionally. There is a difference between people who are pleasant to be around and people who are actively, intentionally a plus to your life. The right people are not just good company. They think about you. They share things with you because they know it will help you. They make introductions, ask good questions, challenge your thinking, and consistently leave you with more than you came with. My conversation with Andrew was that kind of interaction. He was not just talking, he was investing.

They are always growing. The people worth spending time with are always practising something, always getting better at something, always in the process of becoming a more capable version of themselves. That energy is contagious. When you are around people who are growing, growth starts to feel normal. It starts to feel like the expected state of things, rather than the exception. And when growth feels normal, your own standards quietly rise to meet it.

They love your journey. This one matters more than it might seem at first. The right people do not have to be walking the exact same path as you. They do not have to be in your industry or building the same kind of thing but they get it. They love the fact that you are on a journey. They are genuinely interested in where you are going and how you are getting there. They ask real questions about your work, not out of politeness but out of genuine curiosity. That kind of support, someone who loves your journey even when they are not on it with you, is rarer than it sounds and more valuable than almost anything else.

They love life. Some people move through the world as though it is something to be endured. Others move through it as though it is something to be maximised and enjoyed. The second kind of people are the ones worth being around. Their energy and conversations are different. The way they approach problems, opportunities and even setbacks is different. They bring an aliveness to everything they touch, and that aliveness is one of the most transferable things in the world. When you spend enough time with people who love life, you start to love it more too.

They give you energy. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Not just in the moment, but hours later. Some people leave you fuller than you were before you sat down with them. Others, despite being perfectly nice, leave you strangely drained. The people worth investing your time in are the ones who refuel you. Who know how to fill you up. Who leave you feeling like more is possible, like you are more capable, like the road ahead is clearer than it was before. That feeling is not accidental, it is a signal.

The Practical Decision

So, it comes down to a very practical question that only you can answer. Look at the 2 to 5 people you spend the most time with right now. Not who you wish you spent time with, not who you used to spend time with, but actually, in the ordinary rhythm of your week, who gets your hours.

Now ask yourself honestly: what is my focus when I am with these people? What do I think about more because of them? What do I believe about myself and about what is possible because of the time I spend in their company?

If the honest answer is uncomfortable, that is important information. Not a reason for guilt, but a reason for intention. You get to choose, more than most people exercise, who gets access to your attention and your time.

And since what you focus on expands, the people who shape your focus are shaping your future.

Choose them carefully. Invest in them generously. And if you are fortunate enough to have even one or two people in your life who tick these boxes, do not take them for granted. They are, quietly, one of the most significant investments you will ever make.