Asher's Blog

¹ My child,^[a] never forget the things I have taught you.
    Store my commands in your heart.
² If you do this, you will live many years,
    and your life will be satisfying.
³ Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
    Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
    Write them deep within your heart.
⁴ Then you will find favor with both God and people,
    and you will earn a good reputation.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
⁶ Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take (Prov 3:1-5)

I knew a man, before he died, many years ago, he was revered as the greatest leader his people had ever known. He was not just a political leader; he was a national symbol. His victories were sung in the streets. His strategies were studied. His courage was legendary. And when people spoke about him, they did so with reverence, because his leadership had shaped their generation and secured their future.

He died at 70 and before he died, he left over $15 billion dollars’ worth of gold, silver, bronze, iron, and resources for his son to build a temple for God. He didn’t live only for his reign; he was building for the next one, and God established his throne forever. 

But this man was betrayed by his own son. Can you imagine this?

This son felt that his dad did not punish his step brother who had raped his sister, and that started the contempt. What began as a legitimate pain slowly transformed into bitterness. The father’s silence felt like injustice. The absence of visible discipline felt like weak leadership. And in the mind of the wounded, silence becomes evidence. Contempt began quietly, but it began deeply.

This son that felt hurt by his father’s “poor” leadership skills managed to convince majority of his father’s cabinet and executive team members that he could do a better job than his dad. He did not start with swords; he started with conversations. He did not start with rebellion; he started with persuasion. Hurt mixed with ambition often produces charisma. And charisma, when not governed by loyalty, can become manipulation.

When the cabinets and other people came to his dad for decision making, he would always tell them that if he was in the position of his dad, he would judge fairly and in their favor. He would empathize publicly. He would affirm their frustrations, and he would subtly discredit his father without attacking him directly. He positioned himself as the solution to their disappointment.

And this was how he turned most of the executive team and people against his dad. Not by force, not by violence but by consistent emotional alignment with the dissatisfied. So, loyalty was eroded slowly, and then, trust shifted almost invisibly.

Even his dad’s highly revered strategic advisor was not left out, he was “wise” but he ended up as foolish — he hanged himself. This adviser, Ahithophel, had once been considered indispensable. His counsel carried weight and his words shaped decisions. But brilliance without loyalty eventually collapses under its own pride. When the rebellion failed, the same wisdom that made him powerful could not save him from despair.

But don’t let me jump the story.

I realised that the dad actually knew when all this was going on, but he thought the matter would deescalate; I mean this is his son! His son wouldn’t want to demote or dethrone him forcefully. This is blood. This is family. Surely disagreement would not become displacement. Surely ambition would not become assassination.

I had said once, in family, there shouldn’t be anything like trusted family, family should naturally be trusted. Trust should be the default in covenant relationships. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother, so, this is also family. Loyalty is not biological; it is relational and spiritual.

But all of a sudden, the father realised that, wow, his son had been able to sway the loyalty of critical executives, and customers (another parlance, subjects). This was no longer emotional tension. It was strategic takeover and the allegiance map had changed. The throne was no longer secure.

So the father just had to travel so that he is not poisoned or killed in sleep because now, he cannot trust his own biological son again. Imagine that level of internal collapse. A king fleeing his palace not because of foreign enemies but because of his own child. The fear was no longer theoretical. It was real and immediate.

The guy was after his throne. And he got it. Howbeit, temporarily. Because stolen authority never sustains itself long term. 

The son, Absalom, went after his Father, to kill him, after he had taken his father’s place. But replacement was not enough; he wanted elimination. He wanted finality. He wanted the old voice silenced permanently. He wanted a “true” consequence for his sister’s rapist, and be able to boast to his sister, that, “You see, I told you. I was going to make him suffer”

In fact, to show that he has replaced his father, the guy slept with 7 of his father’s mistresses. Not 1, 7. Publicly! This was not just immorality; this was a political statement. It was his declaration that the previous regime was over and the new order had begun. This is an act of treason. No more, no less.

But even at this, the father didn’t want to kill him. That restraint is powerful. He knew the guy was talented, strong, charismatic, and capable. He knew the potential inside him. But the law of life is that you cannot be greater than your source. Your source’s productivity includes everything you are, so you are not your own. If you disconnect violently from your source, you sever the very system that empowered you.

Anyways, one of the father’s security personnel killed Absalom, against explicit instruction. What an end! Caught in a tree and executed helplessly. But this was predictable. Because rebellion built on wounded pride eventually collapses under its own weight.

Loyalty is a value I now cherish in my friendships and I reward it too with loyalty. Not because I am naïve, but because I have seen what disloyalty costs. Loyalty is not weakness. Loyalty is strength under discipline. Loyalty is choosing alignment even when disagreement exists. Loyalty is a 2-way street, you don’t get it if you’ve not earned it. It cannot be demanded through authority alone; it is a bond of friendship. And it is decided by 2 parties. One side cannot be loyal without corresponding action of loyalty. If it continues to be 1-sided, it will certainly crash.

If you cannot be loyal to a relationship or to your mentor, it is a curse for you to still be in that relationship. Pull yourself away from it. Do not sit in proximity while your heart is drifting. Do not smile publicly while positioning privately. Leave with honour rather than betray with strategy.

Here are 5 ways to identify disloyal people

1. They constantly compare you to others.
2. They correct you publicly but never defend you publicly.
3. They gather information more than they contribute value.
4. They agree in front but complain behind.
5. They subtly position themselves as “better alternatives.”

Here are 5 ways to reward loyalty

1. Protect loyal people when they are attacked.
2. Promote loyalty over mere competence.
3. Create access, loyal people should not stand outside the gate.
4. Invest in their growth.
5. Be loyal back. Loyalty must be reciprocated to be sustained.

Here are 3 ways to correct yourself, if you have been disloyal

1. Admit it quickly. Pride prolongs damage.
2. Restore privately before you are exposed publicly.
3. If your heart has shifted permanently, exit respectfully. Don’t sabotage.

If you have identified a disloyal person close to you, remove them from your life IMMEDIATELY without flinching. Not emotionally. Not angrily. But decisively. It will save you years of heartache, internal sabotage, and unnecessary warfare.

You can only expect loyalty in very close relationships not just normal friendships. This is not about random acquaintances or surface-level friendships. This is about inner circles, strategic partnerships, covenant relationships and executive tables.

History shows us something sobering: the most dangerous threats are rarely outside the gate, they are usually seated inside it.

I wish you loyal friendships