Asher's Blog

I am adding this reflection to my habit-forming challenge, one video per week for myself, for my children, and for the generations after me. I want to capture moments, thoughts, convictions, and stories so that those who may never meet me physically will still get to know me. They will hear my voice. They will understand how I think. They will see what shaped me.

But I must say something very clearly: this project is secondary to the life I live every single day in front of my children. Your children are watching you long before they are listening to your recorded words. They will become what they consistently see. They will model your behavior, your reactions, your faith, your discipline, and even your inconsistencies.

So if you are not truthful in your videos, your life, reflected through your children, will eventually expose the anomaly. Legacy is not built by curated speeches, it is built by daily conduct.

If a father wants to model rightly to his children, the first thing I would say is this: love your wife deeply, visibly, and intentionally. Let your children see you treat their mother with affection, care, patience, and honor. Let them see that you respect her voice. Let them see that you protect her dignity. Let them see that you are a provider and that you carry responsibility with seriousness. When you are going through a tough time, do not hide everything from your children. Tell them appropriately. Let them see how you think about solving problems. Let them see how you trust God. Let them see how you respond under pressure.

Some months ago, about three or four months back, we went through a period of financial restructuring. It was a particularly tight season for us. For the first time in a while, we did not have a vehicle because it simply was not the priority at that time. That season also came with emotional pressure. It was the first time our daughters would see my wife and I argue and raise our voices at each other but we didn’t do so angrily, at all.

Our three-year-old (3yo) was visibly emotional, and I could see it affected her. In that moment, I had to be pragmatic, but I also had to acknowledge what my wife was really saying. We needed to understand each other, not just react. Till today, I still tell her what that moment meant to me and the decisions I made internally from what I felt she communicated. 

During that restructuring period, because we had no vehicle, we would walk the girls to school most days. Sometimes my wife would already be off to work in the morning, or she might not yet be back in the evening, so I would handle school pick-up. We had only one stroller for our two-year-old, which meant our 3yo would walk for about twenty minutes back home after a full and tiring school day.

Those moments were emotional for me and I wished I could simply get a car. None of my close friends lived nearby, so borrowing was not realistic. I remember days when my 3yo  would just stop on the road because she was so tired. She would stand there, and I would feel the weight of it.

But I did two deliberate things.

First, I explained to her calmly that this was a phase and that our Father in heaven would provide a vehicle soon. I would stand with her on the roadside, not in a hurry, and speak gently telling her we trust God for strength and for our new vehicle coming soon. I did not know how it would happen. Honestly, I did not. But I had to begin teaching her that I am not her source. We all look up to God as our source.

Second, I taught her gratitude. I would tell her that we should give thanks because we could walk with our legs. That many children are at home all day, and she wouldn’t like to be home all day, isn’t it? And that whether we liked it or not, we would walk either to school or back home, and we would do it with thanksgiving. I remember days when it was drizzling and we still walked. When we got home, I celebrated her. I told her how strong she was, how proud I was of her, and how good a model she was being for her younger sister.

After a while, something beautiful happened. She began to enjoy the walks.

Then October came, and it became very cold. Sometimes we would get an Uber for what was literally a two-minute drive, and other times we would still walk. All the while, I kept telling her that as we thanked God and trusted Him, He would provide a vehicle. The truth is that I did not have the cash to get one at that time.

But privately, I would speak to my Papa God and say, “See, Your girls are looking up to You. Please show them who You are.” For me personally, asking God for a vehicle did not feel like a significant prayer because there are bigger things I believe He wants to do through me. But I kept bringing it to Him because I had told my daughters that their Father in heaven would provide.

And of course, we got a vehicle. But not just any vehicle. It was far better than we expected. We thought we would get a 2005 BMW 5 Series. Instead, we were able to get a 2025 SUV – not a BMW, but an incredible deal that we did not even think was possible. It was one of those moments where only God could have orchestrated it in that way.

When the car came, I was super-excited to show the girls what God had done it. I reminded our 3yo of all the times we prayed and said our Father in heaven would provide. She remembered and she was so happy especially because she didn’t expect such a lovely vehicle. Her joy was genuine. It was surreal.

Months later, my wife told me about another experience. I had been teaching our daughter how to read, write, and do basic maths. Sometimes she would get frustrated and say it was difficult, and then, I would tell her not to say that. Even if she felt it was difficult, she should say it was easy, step away for a while, and come back to it the next day or so.

One morning, she woke up and told my wife that Jesus would teach her how to write her numbers to 200. And she sat down and wrote them to 200 by herself. When I heard that, I was happier about her confidence in Jesus than about the numbers themselves.

This is what success means to me: that my children are raised in the way of the Lord, that they grow into a deep and personal relationship with the Lord Jesus, and that they become spiritually strong, able to stand firm against the enemy, overcome the battles of life with faith and conviction, and advance the purposes of Christ in their generation for the expansion of the Kingdom of our dear God, our Father, and the Father of our Lord Jesus.